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That Slippery Slope: Pedophilia, Polygamy, and Bestiality

Let’s go over these points one-by-fucking-one and dissect how ridiculous these points really are.


Let us address the pedophilia issue first. Marriage is defined as a union between consenting adults. A thirty year-old man cannot marry a twelve year-old girl. A forty year-old teacher cannot marry their nine year-old student. As recently as a hundred years ago, it was still common for a thirty year-old man to marry a twelve or thirteen year-old girl. Men left their father’s house to learn a profession, then get married. Young girls were married the moment they were biologically a woman. Women were seen as little more a commodity in a business decision as evidenced by the concept of the dowry. Marriage in our society is now based on an age of consent; meaning we no longer believe twelve or thirteen year-old girls are mature enough to consent to marriage. This has become a part of our society, even though the instincts and desires of the twelve year-old girl haven’t changed at all biologically.

In the 21st Century, if your daughter upon her eighteenth birthday, announced she was marrying her high-school sweetheart, you would advise her to go to college, get an education, “live her life”. After her college graduation, she announces she was marrying the man who was still her high-school sweetheart, you’d advise her to get a job, have a career, then get married and have children. We are inching further and further away from a time when it was perfectly acceptable for a twelve-year-old Mary to marry an adult man, Joseph of Nazareth. No one in Shakespeare’s day or until just recently saw any issue with a twelve-year-old Juliet being pursued by an eighteen-year-old Romeo, ultimately leading to her death by suicide. Only in the recent decades have we looked at marriage as not the first and only thing a woman was allowed to do, to the last thing she should do.

There is no slippery slope towards pedophilia. We are currently on another slippery slope. The one on which women wait until later life to get married and have children, or God-forbid just have children, never once considering having her children in the the bounds of matrimony. That is the slippery slope you Christians need to fucking fear!


Many of the Biblical patriarchs and even lesser figures were polygamists. Lamech (Gen. 4:19). Abraham (Gen. 16:1-4). Esau (Gen. 26:34). Jacob (Gen. 31:17). Gideon (Jud. 8:30) Elkanah (1 Sam. 1:1-2). Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:2-3). Ashur (1 Chr. 4:5). Rehoboam (2 Chro. 11:21). Abijah (2 Chron. 13:21). Jehoiada (24:3). That’s a fucking shit ton of polygamists in the Holy Fucking Bible.

Moses even laid down two Biblical laws, of the 613 mitzvot, that governed polygamist marriages: If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights (Ex. 21:10) and If a man has two wives, and he loves one but not the other, and both bear him sons but the firstborn is the son of the wife he does not love, 16 when he wills his property to his sons, he must not give the rights of the firstborn to the son of the wife he loves in preference to his actual firstborn, the son of the wife he does not love. 17 He must acknowledge the son of his unloved wife as the firstborn by giving him a double share of all he has. That son is the first sign of his father’s strength. The right of the firstborn belongs to him. (Deut. 21:15-17). Polygamy was common in the Biblical age. It is only in our Puritanical culture that polygamists are shunned and the state of Utah forced to ban the God-given right to Polygamy from the Mormons.

Why should any man or woman give two squirts of sour owl shit about a man marrying multiple wives or a woman marrying multiple husbands, if the sister-wives or brother-husbands don’t have a fucking problem with the arrangement? The problem is not polygamy, is it bigamy. Bigamy is defined as “the act of going through a marriage ceremony while already married to another person” without the other person’s permission! If the sister-wives have no problem letting another woman, or women, into their marriage, then I don’t really give a shit. How many heterosexual marriages are “open” marriages, or in the more common parlance “swingers”.  If they are willing to openingly and willingly (and with permission) commit adultery with other women or even men, then I don’t really give a shit. To each their own.

One of the issues relates to the IRS. How does the government balance the “deductibles” when their is more than one wive and several more children in a plural marriage. with those with only one wife and a reasonable number of children. This is the only problem I see with polygamy. There may be others, but at the moment, I don’t really give a fuck.

Marriage to animals

For millennia, women were the “property” of their husbands, both legally and religiously, up to and including the 20th century. Marriage served the purpose of legally transferring the ownership of a woman from her father to her husband. Since this is both legally and scripturally accurate (I shit you not), then marriage between a man or woman and their dog is already legal. The dog, or cat, or horse, is already the “property” of the human spouse in this bestial relationship. Any man or woman can marry their dog, or cat, or horse, and since they already possess most of the legal benefits of marriage (again, I shit you not). The only limitation on marriage to animals is in recognition by the IRS. Animals, whether they are pets or spouses, are not considered “dependents” in our taxation system, and therefore do not convey the benefits of marriage. As for recognition by religious institutions, are you fucking shitting me? The Catholics are still stuck in the 14th century as it concerns marriage and their treatment of divorced Catholics.

Marry your hand if it gives you more pleasure than a woman will. Or women, you might as well marry your vibrator, Bob (battery-operated-boyfriend), because it will always be there for you and it never prematurely ejaculates. It won’t cuddle with you, but then again straight men don’t cuddle either.

Published on: Jun 26, 2015 @ 19:06

About Ophelia T'Wat

Who in the flying blue fuck is Ophelia T'Wat? Poetic or profane? Asshole or bitch? Democramp or Republicunt? God-fearing or God-damning? Sucks dicks or licks cunts?- crunch- Three! The world may never know.

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