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Pet Peeves: Christians on Facebook

Don’t you just hate when one of your Christian friends posts something obnoxious on Facebook about how great Jesus is or how wrong abortion is, or that you’re going to go straight to mother-fucking Hell? I want to “unfriend” each and every one of these holier-than-thou cunts for having the audacity to post that shit on my Facebook newsfeed. It pisses me the fuck off.

What are the chances that a Facebook post randomly appearing in the newsfeed is going to make me change my own mother-fucking mind? Has that ever happened? Has anyone changed their mind on a deeply cherished belief so wantonly?

Has any liberal ever gone on Sean Hannity or Bill O’Reilly and right in the middle of a heated debate stopped short, took a moment of deep contemplation, then said, “You’re right, Sean. I’ve never thought of it that way. It took until your impassioned debate that I’ve come to realize that I’ve been wrong all of my adult life. From this moment forward I am going to champion the cause I have been a strident opponent of. Thank you, Sean, for changing my mind.”

How many times has this been said? None. Zip. Zero. Nada. Do-diddly-squat.

This just doesn’t happen. People don’t change their minds on the hot-button issues: religion, politics, social issues. More often than not, they dig their heels into the crotches of their opponents all the greater.

Atheists seldom see the light of Christ and become Christian. Nothing a Muslim says is going to convince most Christians into believing Mohammad is the messenger of God. And it usually takes something horrendous happening to turn a Christian into an Atheist. Changing your religion rashly often turns out to be disastrous.

The same goes with politics. Haven’t you ever been to a party and the host warns everyone not to discuss religion or politics. Nothing causes friends to fight more than realizing just how different they are on the hot-button issues. And that would just ruin the evening.

But what about that one obnoxious Facebook post that actually makes you think. You’re scrolling down through posts about cute cats doing cute things, which Harry Potter character your friends are, and one of those God-damn Christians posts something obnoxious. Then you read it. And it gives you pause. You actually have to think about it. Seriously contemplate an asinine Facebook post.

Doesn’t that just fucking piss you off? You made me think, God-damn it. The following once appeared on my Facebook newsfeed and I haven’t pissed straight since:

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: ‘Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 year old and I’m pregnant again. I don’t want kids so close together.’

So the doctor said: ‘Ok and what do you want me to do?’

She said: ‘I want you to end my pregnancy, and I’m counting on your help with this.’

The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: ‘I think I have a better solution for your problem. It’s less dangerous for you too.’

She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.

Then he continued: ‘You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let’s kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we’re going to kill one of them, it doesn’t matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms.’

The lady was horrified and said: ‘No doctor! How terrible! It’s a crime to kill a child!’

‘I agree’, the doctor replied. ‘But you seemed to be OK with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.’

The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point.

He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that’s already been born and one that’s still in the womb. The crime is the same!

God-damn it! I’m so fucking pissed off! This made me fucking think. How dare I actually think!

But did it change my mind?

No.

I’m sorry. It didn’t.

I was an ardent pro-choice Feminazi before I read this and I’m still an ardent pro-choice Feminazi now.

No sappy story, no impassioned debate between politicians, no threats of hellfire eternal is going to make me change my mind. And I’m not going to change the mind of the person who posted this shit on my Facebook newsfeed by bitching in the comment section.

But it made me think.

I’m so pissed the fuck off!

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