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Columbine High Skool Reunion

(Twiggy Ramirez give me a distorted heavy-ass Spooky Kids riff – D.J. scratch out a long-ass Nine Inch Nails beat – While I spit out my sick, twisted, spooky rhymes…) 

Harris and Klebold were very, very bold
Breakin’ out of their mold
They were both stone-cold
To the Devil they sold
Their immortal soul
Columbine was their Hellhole
Who was their bankroll?
Where was Interpol?
Harris and Klebold,
Like a lightning bolt
A million volts
Tired to revolt
Didn’t even bolt
When the S.W.A.T. team came.
Thought they’d end the pain
Harris and Klebold were insane.
300 bullets would rain
Down… Down… Down…

It’s a goddamn fuckin’ shame
Marilyn Manson took the blame
‘Cause I felt their pain
I went through the same
Ditchin’ school again
To play video games
They call me names
‘N a nerd I became
I ain’t strong, a little lame
The bully’s were my bane
All because I had a brain
They’re my Abel, I’m their Cane
Why can’t I break this chain
That guitar’s hot, listen to the sustain!
My rage is a hurricane.
My mind boarderin’ on the insane!
Getting’ my daily swirly, kissin’ the porcelain
Cussin’ under my breath, my words are profane.
Will I be prom king? When’s my reign?
Why do I have to be the one who’s restrained?
When it’s my blood causin’ that stain!
These links I need to unchain
Someday I’ll own my own jet plane
Eaten caviar, drinkin’ champagne
Smokin’ weed, snortin’ cocaine
Whores lovin’ me for my a-hem… brain!

God-damn, I’m not very down
Suffered a break-down
Always shook down
Couldn’t escape the town
My High was my tomb
I was a brain, acting like a buffoon.
Crying in the solitude of my room
Wishin’ I could go back in my mama’s womb.
God-damn, I was always putdown
Just took the putdowns
Wearing a cartoon frown
Never wore the Prom crown
My High livin’ in a sitcom.
Car bomb, letter bomb, smoke bomb,
The principle cryin’ over the intercom.
My High was an atom bomb
Waitin’ to explode… explode… explode

I was picked on- mistreated
Havin’ to eat the mystery meat ‘n
Tried to blend in, be discreet-
Trying not to get beat-down on the concrete
Never on the attack, always on the retreat!
I had book smarts, didn’t know the street.
I was a brain! I helped ‘em cheat
If I didn’t I was dead meat
Took my lunch money. How am I to eat?
Listen to my music and that fat beat!
At my twentieth anniversary, I’ll dress phat ‘n neat!
Now they’re all fat and bald. It’s bittersweet!
The prom queen has wrinkles she can’t delete!
I roll up in my Benz, not one but a fleet
Where are they now! They’re obsolete!

Harris and Klebold were losers, fucking losers
Armed with TEC-9 uzis
Losers, fucking losers
Didn’t even kill their abusers
Only killed, what?!? Thirteen!
Wit’ all that ammo, that’s just obscene.
Only killed, what?!? Thirteen!
Wit’ all the ammo, that’s just obscene.
Harris and Klebold were losers, fucking losers
Shooting like a drunken boozer
Losers, fucking losers
Their parents were their excusers
This was supposed to be their send-off
Only thirteen dead? What a rip-off!
Bombs never even went off
Only thirteen dead? What a rip-off!
All because they were soft
Losers… Losers… Losers…

The minute hand has just past one
Trench coats hidin’ their guns
Walkin through the halls, it’s begun
Harris and Klebold actin’ in unison
Armed to the teeth, a fuckin’ garrison!
They had a plan, it was goin’ to get done!
Mutiny in the Columbine galleon!
See Dick die, see Jane run!
See the bullets Jane can’t outrun!
They acted like American Huns
American terrorists hitting the Pentagon!
No more algebra! No more polygons!
Does gun powder smell like cinnamon?
Trench coats soaked with sweat, weighin’ a ton!
Spittin bullets is so much fuckin’ fun!
The bombs will send them all to oblivion!
They’ll never again be called simpletons!
Thirteen dead, soon be skeletons.
Turn the guns on yourselves. It’s done!
I wish I had done it too, but the thought had never come.
All because I graduated in nineteen-ninety-fuckin’-one

Nerd! I’m just a fucking nerd
Only thirteen dead, shit that’s fucking absurd!
Nerd! I’m a fucking nerd
300 rounds in my uzi, I wouldn’t be deterred!
I’d never again be called an egghead
Why was I never so misled?
My parents listened to every word I said.
If I had300 rounds, there’d be 300 DEAD!
Nerd! I’m just a fucking nerd
Hell, the thought never even occurred
But the pot was stirred
Nerd! I’m a fucking nerd
I kill you with my words
So, thank God, mother-fucking Colts
That I never caused a fucking revolt!
So thank God, I never had an uzi
With a mother-fucking automatic bolt!
I’m a Loser… Loser… Loser

At my twentieth anniversary at the Marriott
Little do my classmates know, they’re all gonna git shot!
I’m a livewire! Alive with megawatts
In twenty years, I’ve done do-diddly-squat.
Why should I blame myself? What?
They’re the reason I don’t own a yacht.
They all hated me. That I never forgot!
There’s the football hero, that big shot!
My eyes are glarin’ and all bloodshot
This is one anniversary I should boycott
But they’ve got to pay. Leave- I cannot
My laser site leaves a little red dot
I aim right for that bitch’s beauty spot.
I’m just a little out of ear shot!
They all said I ate my own snot.
I squeeze the trigger. Who’s been shot?
The bitch I didn’t take to prom, that’s who I got!
Shit, I burned myself. That sawed-off’s fucking hot.
The cheerleaders huddled by the punch-bowl. Jackpot!
The blood stains looks like a Rorschach inkblot!
And there is the nerdy little mascot
Who laughed when I got a wedgey butt knot!
When he dies, his body will start to rot!
When they’re all dead, I’ll do the fox trot!
‘N light my bowl, smoke a little pot!
300 life sentences is what I’ve finally got!

About Ophelia T'Wat

Who in the flying blue fuck is Ophelia T'Wat? Poetic or profane? Asshole or bitch? Democramp or Republicunt? God-fearing or God-damning? Sucks dicks or licks cunts?- crunch- Three! The world may never know.

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